My attempt at covering Alexander’s conquests in verse – finished for now, but a work in progress.
We’ve got a problem guys – the pres
Now likes Assad – or so he says.
We need to turn his views around.
We need some action on the ground
In Syria, to make Trump see
That he is wrong – this chemistry
Between him and this chump Bashar
Has gone a little bit too far.
OK let’s get things moving fast;
Our allies – well they’re quite aghast
That peace may pretty soon break out
In Syria – we’re not about
To let that happen – here’s the plan:
The rebels – look I’m not a fan,
But we support them – yeah I know
They’re bastards, but Assad must go.
Obama, late lamented chief,
It was his wish – now I’ll be brief:
We’ll give these fiends a little rope;
They’ll hang Assad– or so we hope;
They’ll set him up – commit a crime;
Blame it on him – just like last time.
What will they do? – What heinous deed?
It’s up to them – are we agreed?
We’re not involved! – no not a bit;
It gives me gas to think of it.
But I’m quite sure it will be bad.
Imagine Trump – he’ll be quite sad;
He’ll be incensed; he’ll be enraged.
(The fool won’t know it’s all been staged)
We’ll urge him then to swiftly act.
By all our allies we’ll be backed.
We’ll bomb the Syrians to Hell.
The hordes of refugees will swell.
Strong man Assad will surely flee
And rebel armies will be free
To murder and to subjugate.
Al Qaeda and Islamic State
Will fight each other – what a mess!
(Well I’m excited – I confess)
And all the other Muslim shits
Will chop each other into bits!
Once gone for good – the threat of peace,
All talk of compromise will cease.
Russian expansion will be checked,
And Putin’s plans will all be wrecked.
It’s all we need – just one attack,
And Syria is back on track.
We are taking a last stand – like Custer’s.
We’re demanding that these bad-ass busters
Aren’t named after our axes.
(We are proud – we pay taxes)
We suggest paleface name – “Feather Dusters.”
Smack! – into people they slam!
Look how they rampage and ram!
There goes one with a beard;
It is just as we feared!
Trucks in Sweden revert to Islam!
Facebook Fact Checking Protocol
The checkers will be checked by checkers,
And these will be checked by cross-checkers.
This checking will check
(With cutting-edge tech)
Propaganda of all right-wing wreckers.
We consider all news to be checkable,
And our checkers of course are impeccable.
Without bias they’ll smash
All conservative trash,
Which will render Facebook unredneckable.
Armed with spear and bow and sword,
So advanced the Gallic horde.
At Gergovia struck a blow;
Laid the Roman legions low.
At Alesia – fortified,
There the legions, they defied;
But besieged by Roman might,
Weakened, they gave up the fight.
Vercingetorix the bold,
On his horse adorned with gold,
Swiftly then to Caesar went;
Rode a circle round his tent,
Then dismounted at his feet,
Flung his armour, took his seat
On now uncontested ground;
Looked to Caesar, made no sound.
So to Rome he was conveyed;
In captivity he stayed.
Soon, said Caesar: “While he lives,
To the tribes, false hope he gives.
He, to Rome, no loyalty feigns,
At my Triumph, bound in chains,
Let this King, to all the Gauls,
Show how low their saviour falls;
Then to foil his Gallic tricks,