𝐍𝐨 𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐬 (𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤)

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𝐍𝐨 𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐬 (𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤)

In news to hand “The News” has just been killed.
Who killed it? Facebook says they’ve no idea.
Its heart by some unknown force has been stilled.
In news to hand “The News” has just been killed.
The vacuum that it leaves will soon be filled
By trivia, so there’s no cause for fear.
In news to hand “The News” has just been killed.
Who killed it? Facebook says they’ve no idea.

— D.N. O’Brien

Battle Dress

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𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬

Our general’s at the front charging the guns!
The Taliban are heading for the hills!
He hitches up his skirt — clenches his buns!
Our general’s at the front charging the guns!
His bra is binding — his mascara runs!
The Taliban are all preparing wills!
Our general’s at the front charging the guns!
The Taliban are heading for the hills!

— D.N. O’Brien

What Bolsheviks?

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𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐁𝐨𝐥𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐤𝐬?

Who are these Bolsheviks you talk about?
You mean those harmless fools? They don’t scare me!
Those crazy nuts who like to scream and shout?
Who are these Bolsheviks you talk about?
As sure as I’m a Russian, they’ve no clout,
No influence; my comrades all agree!
Who are these Bolsheviks you talk about?
You mean those harmless fools? They don’t scare me!

— D.N. O’Brien

Death of a Giant

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𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐆𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐭

You’ve had your time for basking in the sun,
But everything must die, even a giant.
Your face is pale — your race is almost run —
No longer are you fearless and defiant.
You once were dominant and self-reliant,
But now the dwarves have tied you to the ground.
You have become pathetic and compliant —
With bonds of your own making you are bound.
The dwarves all cheer — a little man is crowned —
He reads his speech — the writing’s on the wall.
His dwarfish slurring words declared profound
By all the dwarves who engineered your fall.
You breathe your last; the sky is dull and grey.
A scribe records: a giant has died this day.

— D.N. O’Brien

Transformers

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𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐬

If they allow trans women to compete
In female sport, then female sport is dead.
In female sport men will be the elite,
If they allow trans women to compete.
The men will run the females off their feet,
And break their bones in any head to head.
If they allow trans women to compete
In female sport, then female sport is dead.

— D.N. O’Brien

Alternative WW2 News

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(What would have happened)

𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐖𝐖𝟐 𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐬

In news, the Japs have taken The South Land!
The aboriginals put up no fight.
We’d left this wilderness of scrub and sand
Since its discovery, untouched; no hand
From the outside had guided it — each band
And tribe had been protected from the light.
In news, the Japs have taken The South Land!
The aboriginals put up no fight.

— D.N. O’Brien

The Tiny Army of Occupation

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐲 𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐎𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

It’s really a worthless endeavour —
We can’t hide from microbes forever.
One day we must face them,
For we can’t erase them —
Will they ever leave us? No never!

They have us locked down underground.
We tremble with fear at each sound.
They call: “Come and fight!
For you have the might!
And soon will you cowards be found!”

— D.N. O’Brien