CO2

Tags

Formal poetry, Man made global warming, poem, poetry

Invisible and without scent;
A trace in the great firmament.

The food of banana and bean;
Vegetation that’s vibrant and green.

It’s a vapour that is rather rare,
So it’s frankly fallacious, unfair,

To accuse it of baking the Earth;
This miasma of infinite worth.

Blinker the Winkers!

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry, Prime Minister winks, Tony Abbott

All this winking should surely be banned;
Sex line grannies – the cream of the land,
Shouldn’t suffer such winkers –
Conservative stinkers!
Enough! draw a line in the sand!

Australian Prime Minister winks on radio

Marxism

Tags

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, poem, poetry, The Gulag Archipelago

Marxism? – all one needs to know:
“The Gulag Archipelago.”

Sarc Tags

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry, sarc tags

sarc

If my limericks get on your wick.
If my sarcasm you cannot pick.
If you don’t get my gags
As I don’t use “sarc tags”,
I’m afraid sir, you are simply….. thick.

/sarc

Stubble Trouble

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry

Oh no! this is getting quite weird,
My girlfriend’s now sporting a beard.
Those testosterone jabs
Have expanded her abs,
While her curves, they have quite disappeared.

Hairy Scary

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry

It was worse than the worst that we feared;
This contest has truly been queered,
For this year it was won
By a hot hirsute Hun
Who’s a lady – complete with a beard.

Human Exclusion Zones

Tags

Environmental extremism, Formal poetry, misanthropy, nanny state, poem, poetry

“I want to go out swimming Dad!”
“Okay son, but please be aware
That things could turn out rather bad;
You know the ocean’s the shark’s lair,
So if you’re eaten by a shark
Expect no sympathy from me,
Don’t blame the monster for your lark,
The sea is his domain you see.”

“But Dad you know I like to swim,
And if the nasty shark eats me
My future will be rather grim,
And those who swim in yonder sea,
If they are just thought of as bait,
Just to be eaten by a shark,
Perhaps a white one – rather great,
Then swimming’s future’s rather dark.

And what about the divers Dad?
The ones who dive for fun or fish.”
“They should avoid the water lad,
Should they be eaten that’s their wish.”
“The surfers who ride on the waves,
Dad, are they just a type of lure?”
“Shark’s bellies son, may be their graves,
And Terra Firma more secure.

But listen son, I’ve had enough,
Put on your swimmers, hit the surf!
Although I know it’s rather tough,
Remember you’re on sharkie’s turf.
He’s looking for a tender meal;
Just keep eyes peeled for dorsal fins;
He may think you’re a baby seal,
So watch out for those toothy grins.”

“Ah… Dad, I think I’ve had enough,
I’ve kind of gone off swimming now.
The sea is looking rather rough,
I wonder would you, Dad, allow
Me to go walking in the scrub?”
“Sure son, but listen to my words:
I’ll let you go but here’s the rub –
The dingoes, crocodiles and birds,

The spiders and the snakes that bite,
The flies that buzz, the wasps that sting,
Those of the ground and those of flight,
The bull ants, leaches – everything,
You cannot touch, you cannot hurt,
Despite that they may cause you pain.
Their sacredness I must assert,
For like the shark….. it’s their domain!”

Real Men

Tags

Boko Haram, Formal poetry, hellfire missile, Hollywood, poem, poetry

So real men don’t buy girls?
From Hollywood the latest pearls
Of wisdom come. Stars beat the drum
And show their sad pathetic mugs;
A break from sex, lattes and drugs.
They hold their signs and make po-faces;
Friends of all the creeds and races.

With their approach I tend to differ;
Bad guys need a message stiffer.
The real solution – ordnance fissile,
Or a well aimed Hellfire missile.

Boko Haram

Tags

Boko Haram, limerick, poem, poetry

They burn boys and take girls as slaves.
They’re bloodthirsty Islamic knaves.
Their insane submission
Ensures their perdition
Once safely consigned to their graves.

Barber, Cow & Boy

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry

A bit out of my line but a double limerick
for Sandra at her request:

A barber was cutting the hair
Of a cow who was comely and fair,
When her smooth skin he nicked
And his shin the cow kicked,
And so loud did the barber then swear,
That a boy who was waiting to get
His hair cut, fetched quickly, a vet,
Who settled the row
And then stitched up the cow;
Now the boy keeps the cow as a pet.