Small War Couplets

Tags

poetry, poem, taliban, Unwinnable wars, Australian poet, Rhyming couplets, Futile wars, Kalashnikov AK-47, Afghanistan war

Small War Couplets

When you can’t tell the foe from your friend,
History tells us – such wars never end.

But we’re winning – we’ll banish the foe!
If you do, he’ll return when you go.

We have rockets and choppers and drones!
But the Taliban have their smart phones.

His insurgency, with science, we’ll stifle.
He’ll just hide in the hills with his rifle.

But I’m telling you – we have the gear!
And your fighters – are they without fear?

But we’re winning in Afghanistan!
No you’re not – though you did get a tan.

What! A tribesman! Should I fear a peasant?
Being shot from long range isn’t pleasant.

A Kalashnikov! – that’s an old gun!
It will still put a hole in you son.

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Are Bert and Ernie Gay?

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poetry, poem, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, Australian poet, Bert and Ernie, Puppets, Bert and Ernie are non-practicing gays, Are Bert and Ernie gay?, Sesame Street

Are Bert and Ernie Gay?

Some shit-stirrers say they have seen us.
All lies! – There is nothing between us!
Puppet penetration?
A false allegation!
For neither of us has a penis.

Bert and Ernie break silence

In the (gay) Navy!

Tags

Australian poet, Australian traditional poetry, Formal poetry, Homosexuals in the navy, Navy, poem, poetry, Royal Australian Navy

In the (gay) Navy!

Come and join our rainbow navy!
Sail the foreign seas so wavy!
Just ignore those rumours stinky,
And paint pink your little pinky.
We won’t dress you like a monkey;
We’ll have uniforms so funky.
Our ships will be painted gaily.
Petals sprinkled on decks daily
Will make all the ships smell sweetly.
There’ll be cabins where discretely
You may couple with your lover
(Or hide neath a lifeboat-cover).
We will usher in new tactics;
Issue all with prophylactics.
Whether you are long or stumpy
You’ll get lots of rumpy-pumpy.
And if you’re a sexy tranny
With an artificial fanny
Then for sure you’re bound to find a
Dirty dyke to be your minder.
You’ll eat vegan in the galley.
Gone are all those hairy, smelly
Straight guys, now we’re just recruiting
Gay guys and gals, we’re all rooting
For the same team – you’ll sail on ships
With nice names like Pansy, Cowslips,
Daffodil or Rose or Daisy.
We won’t have those mean or crazy
Names like Terror, Hood, or Vampire.
We will silence all the damn fire
From the cannons – decorate them
All with flowers – guns? – we hate them –
Symbols masculine and phallic.
Each and everyone a relic
Of the bygone age that’s perished;
Now it’s feminine that’s cherished.
Yes! The navy, we’ll transform it!
We, the gay sailors will storm it!
No more rope and anchor tattoos.
No more beer and hearty beef stews.
Kale, tofu and lentil pie
Served up by some gentle guy
Who says if you call him “Tina”
He’ll give you a vege wiener
Coated thick with vegan gravy –
Come on! Join the all-gay navy!

Sailors paint pinkies pink

Bolshie Blanchett

Tags

Australian poet, Cate, Cate Blanchett, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

Bolshie Blanchett

So far to the left do you steer,
That you’ll soon hit a guide post, I fear.
(That you’ll soon have a head-on, I fear) {Alternative line for when Cate drives on the right}
You’re wealthy and famous
But don’t try to shame us –
You’re still just an actress, my dear.

Cate lectures Australians on gay marriage

“No Brainer”

Tags

Australian poet, Far-left comediennes, Kathy Griffin, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

“No Brainer”

She’s funny! She’s great! A sensation!
Let’s give her a standing ovation!
Oh this girl is woke!
Trumps head? – what a joke!
A prizewinning decapitation!

kathy-griffin-to-receive-comedian-of-the-year-award

A Hero Dies

Tags

Australian poet, Courage in war, Formal poetry, poem, poetry, sonnet, Spenserian sonnet, Unsung war heroes, War heroes

A Hero Dies

Oh yes, he was a hero – that is true.
But in that conflict there were thousands more.
The recognized among them are but few –
A careless hand deals out the cards of war.
Those who still live, and those now buried bore
That burden, and returned to start again;
They’d not let bitterness bite at their core.
Our hero rose above those common men,
(Or should I say uncommon) even then
He didn’t show what he had locked inside.
But came defeat – and later, that was when
What gnawed at him, no longer could he hide.
A hero? – sure, such men are spawned in wars;
They’ve measures both of courage and of flaws.

And in Other German News…

Tags

Australian poet, German refugee crisis, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

And in Other German News…

In news that has just come to hand –
In Germany pork has been banned.
Other pig parts as well,
It’s illegal to sell,
Whether fresh, dried, smoked, pickled, or canned.

And in Germany also it’s said,
The new national flag will be red,
With a black border band,
Two hands raised on high, and
In the center, a white severed head.

Some serfs who claim refugees pillage,
Will be prosecuted for spillage
Of refugee soup –
Meanwhile, tons of poop
Is plastered all over their village.

Now some positive refugee news!
Since we know it is Allah they choose –
In each mosque take the knee,
There’s an upside you see!
There’ll be many more empty church pews!

Go Fund Them?

Tags

Australian poet, beggars, Go Fund Me, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry, shysters

Go Fund Them?

No matter how much cash they make
Then lose – from the suckers they’ll rake
In lots of their dough.
Wherever you go,
There’ll be washed up scum on the take.

Don’t fund me

Give Him a Serve!

Tags

Australian cartoonist, Australian poet, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, Mark Knight cartoonist, poem, poetry, Serena Williams

Give Him a Serve!

No cartoonist was ever meaner.
(He could have made her look much leaner).
The guy should be sacked,
For it is a fact –
No player was ever serener.

Serena causes racquet at tennis

Fush n Chups

Tags

Australian poet, Kiwi accent, Kiwi kids to be taught Maori, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, New Zealand accent, poem, poetry

Fush n Chups

There are calls in your socialist land,
To teach Maori – now that would be grand;
But could I please suggest…
Ahh…perhaps you have guessed –
It’s your English we don’t understand.

Kiwi kids to learn Maori

Kiwi accent