Paddles Ardern’s Epitaph

Tags

Australian poet, Cat Epitaphs, Jacinda Ardern New Zealand Prime Minister, Paddles Ardern, Paddles Ardern run over by car, poem, poetry

{𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘈𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘯’𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩-𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘵 𝘗𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴,
(𝘜𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘳’𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳)
𝘐 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘯 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘩.}

𝐏𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧’𝐬 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐡

No longer will Paddles in puddles
Be paddling. No more Paddles’ cuddles,
For Paddles, in heavenly puddles
Now paddles, and cherubs he cuddles.

— D.N. O’Brien

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To a Dead Parrot

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Australian poet, Dead parrots, English sonnet, poem, poetry, Shakespearean sonnet, sonnet

You lie there at the bottom of your cage –
A pretty corpse dressed ready for the grave;
My singer – every day I’d pay your wage
With seed, some fruit, in many ways your slave,
Was I. And for your pay you’d sit and sing
Upon your perch, a tune that I had taught
You. Proudly you’d display with outstretched wing
Your pretty colours. I recall, I caught
You in the spring after a thunder-storm,
When by the wind your aviary was wrecked.
You were, back then, a young bird fine in form,
Bright yellow, green and blue – my hand you pecked.
It’s funny – yesterday you seemed quite well;
Best bury you before you start to smell.

A Current Affair

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Australian poet, Duck and monkey electrocuted, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

“It’s shocking!” the poor monkey cried.
The duck rushed to save him – he tried
To rescue his friend,
But how would it end? –
Both monkey and duck are now fried.

Best friends monkey and duck electrocuted

Black Spot

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Australian poet, Australian traditional poetry, Congo River, Darkest Africa, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry, The Congo, The Dark Continent

By the river of death bleach their bones,
As by each bend and reach the wind moans:
“O’er the dead men I blow
But nobody will know.”
(In the Congo there are few cell phones)

Whites die in Congo

Heavy Lifting

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limerick, poem, poetry, satire

I’m noticing lots of weight gains,
And so I am using my brains:
Their hunger they’re sating;
They’ll need elevating;
I’m putting my money in cranes.

Woman-dubbed-Britain-s-fattest-teenager-lifted-home-crane

Fundamental Fix

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limerick, poem, poetry

The poor guy was born with no date.
A nasty uncomfortable fate.
So he needs to find
What’s missing behind;
I’m sure she would fit – so use Kate.

man-born-with-no-anus-reports-katie-hopkins-to-police-for-disrespecting-his-bottom

Burning Desire

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry

He said:”I’m a man, not a mouse!
I wish to take you for my spouse!”
“Oh yes please!” said she.
Elated, then he
Proceeded to burn down the house.

Man-proposes-girlfriend-accidentally-burns-house-cooking-celebratory-breakfast