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~ All Poetry ยฉ Dennis N. O'Brien, 2010 – 2019

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Category Archives: Humour

๐Œ๐š๐๐ž ๐ข๐ง ๐‚๐ก๐ข๐ง๐š

09 Sunday Apr 2023

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Australian poet, Formal poetry, limerick, poem, poetry, Shanghai

๐Œ๐š๐๐ž ๐ข๐ง ๐‚๐ก๐ข๐ง๐š

I bought a shanghai from Shanghai.

It backfired and took out my eye!

(Shanghai โ€” Australian sling-shot)

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

๐†๐š๐ฌ ๐ƒ๐ซ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ ๐๐ข๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐จ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐๐ž

18 Saturday Feb 2023

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Satire, Sonnet

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Australian poet, Formal poetry, Nord Stream Pipeline, poem, poetry, sonnet, Spenserian sonnet

๐†๐š๐ฌ  ๐ƒ๐ซ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ  ๐๐ข๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ž  ๐ญ๐จ  ๐‚๐จ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ  ๐’๐ฎ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐๐ž

It seems the pipeline blew itself to bits.

The Baltic Sea is a depressing place.

The pipeline basically just got the shits

With lying on the bottom with the plaice โ€”

Another day of boredom could not face.

The gas cramping its bowels it could not vent,

For as it did, from Russia more would race,

And thus the pipelineโ€™s dire predicament.

And so by an explosion it was rent,

And all accused the Russians โ€” well of course!

While silent lay the pipeline, torn and bent

And lifeless, ruptured by internal force.

The U.S. did it? What a load of rot!

Relief came from a self-inflicted shot.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

๐€๐ง ย ๐ˆ๐ง๐๐ข๐š๐ง ย ๐ƒ๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐Ÿ ย ๐š๐ง๐ ย ๐š ย ๐”๐ค๐ซ๐š๐ข๐ง๐ข๐š๐ง ย ๐ƒ๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐Ÿ ย ๐–๐š๐ฅ๐ค ย ๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐จ ๐š ๐๐š๐ซ

14 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Australian poet, Formal poetry, poem, poetry, Rishi Sunak, Russo / Ukraine war, Snow White, Zelensky

(๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ฌ  ๐š๐ง  ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐š๐ง๐œ๐ž  ๐›๐ฒ  ๐’๐ง๐จ๐ฐ  ๐–๐ก๐ข๐ญ๐ž)

One says: โ€œI lead the state Ukraine.โ€

The other says: โ€œMy dwarfish brain,

It calculates twill not be long

Until you sing a different song,

Unless we British help you out

By giving you some tanks โ€” your clout,

And by extrapolation height,

Will then increase โ€” what ho! Snow White!โ€

(A girl has walked into the bar โ€”

sheโ€™s six feet six and quite bizarre.)

She says: โ€œWhat is your dwarfish plan?

You both together make one man,

Pathetic though he still would be:

Conjoined Zelensky and Rishi.โ€

Then said the much reduced in size

Unto the apparition wise:

โ€œOur plan, while keeping our heads low,

Relates to making lots of dough!โ€

โ€œI see,โ€ said she, โ€œFools, donโ€™t you know

I am the goddess of the snow?

The earth I soon will freeze with ice

And lock the land in winterโ€™s vice.โ€

Snow White then turned upon her heel

And said: โ€œA breeze you soon will feel โ€”

An icy wind from out the East.

This blinding blizzard so released

Will hold each hour in freezing night,

As sure as my name is….. Snow White.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Hit the road Jac!

19 Thursday Jan 2023

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Satire

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Australian poet, Jacinda Ardern New Zealand Prime Minister, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

๐‡๐ข๐ญ  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž  ๐ซ๐จ๐š๐  ๐‰๐š๐œ!

Sheโ€™s fallen โ€” farewell Kiwi sister.

Goodbye, have her faithful fans kissed her.

Sheโ€™d bit off far more

Than her impressive jaw

Could chew โ€” so adieu communista.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

In the Army!

16 Monday Jan 2023

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Australian poet, Formal poetry, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

๐ˆ๐ง  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž  ๐€๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฒ!

You know what Iโ€™ve been thinking?

That soldiersโ€™ balls are shrinking.

For in the ranks

Theyโ€™re firing blanks,

And at each other winking.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

The Last Day

31 Thursday Dec 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Nature, Observation, Sonnet

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

poem, poetry, sonnet, Spenserian sonnet

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐‹๐š๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ƒ๐š๐ฒ

I worked with a man who was young and smart;
He was honest too, as the day is long.
Forty years ago did our paths then part,
And I thought forever, but I was wrong.
When Iโ€™d last known him he was straight and strong,
But the man I met on the yearโ€™s last day,
To my memories he did not belong:
He was bowed and bent and his hair was grey,
And he said as I shook his hand: โ€œGโ€™dayโ€
In a feeble voice, (Oh his hand was cold),
And he gazed at me in the strangest way,
And he softly said: โ€œWell you have grown old.โ€

So we reminisced, then said our goodbyes,
And he shuffled off โ€” with his two good eyes.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

The Greatest Game

17 Thursday Dec 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Sonnet

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Australian poet, darts, Formal poetry, poem, poetry, sonnet, Spenserian sonnet

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐†๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐†๐š๐ฆ๐ž

The greatest game is darts โ€” and I must say,
Dart players are the fittest men of all โ€”
Just watch these perfect specimens at play!
No matter whether they are short or tall,
These mighty marksmen with their skills enthral.
Like little arrows shot from bended bows,
Their darts fly at the board upon the wall.
How do they execute such perfect throws?
The dart is held with flights close to the nose,
Then with a smooth movement of arm and wrist,
Toward the triple 20, off it goes,
And seldom is that tiny target missed.
So hail these sportsmen โ€” raise a mighty cheer
To champions of chips, meat pies, and beer.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Fly Wins Debate!

08 Thursday Oct 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Harris / Pence debate, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

๐…๐ฅ๐ฒ  ๐–๐ข๐ง๐ฌ  ๐ƒ๐ž๐›๐š๐ญ๐ž!

A fly landed on Penceโ€™s head.

Soon throughout the land the word spread!

Though both still debated,

The fly fascinated,

So it mattered not what they said.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Thinking Nice Thoughts

21 Tuesday Jul 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Sonnet

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Anti-depressants, Australian poet, poem, poetry, sonnet, Spenserian sonnet

๐“๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ค๐ข๐ง๐  ๐๐ข๐œ๐ž ๐“๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ฌ

Iโ€™ve started thinking nice thoughts every day,
And magically the worldโ€™s a better place.
All existential threats have gone away.
No longer are there any foes to face.
Iโ€™ve thrown away my nunchuks and my mace.
My rifles I have flung into my lake
With all my ammunition โ€” every case.
Itโ€™s so easy to do, a piece of cake!
Nice thoughts are all you need, make no mistake!
Theyโ€™ll make your wordly worries disappear!
No longer do my limbs begin to shake
When I see scary things โ€” I have no fear!
(These pills the doctor gave me work so well,
I think Iโ€™d be exuberant in Hell!)

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐…๐ฅ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ข๐ง ๐“๐ก๐ข๐ง ๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ž ๐‹๐ข๐ง๐ž

13 Monday Jul 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Australian poet, Flippin Arkansas, Flippin Police Department, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐…๐ฅ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ข๐ง ๐“๐ก๐ข๐ง ๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ž ๐‹๐ข๐ง๐ž

All these jokes about Flippin must cease!
Or Iโ€™ll call up the Flippin Police!
It ainโ€™t flippinโ€™ funny
To mock our town sonny!
Youโ€™re flippinโ€™ disturbinโ€™ the peace!

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Flippin Arkansas Police Department

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