Limericks

Tags

limerick, Music, Nickelodeon, poem, poetry, Song lyrics

To the tune of (put another nickel in) Music, Music, Music

Write another lim-er-ick.
They are dirty – they are quick.
Some are funny, some are sick,
They’re lim’ricks – lim’ricks – lim’ricks.

Some are clever – some are lame,
They will never bring me fame,
But I write ‘em all the same
They’re lim’ricks – lim’ricks – lim’ricks.

Lim’ricks –
I love those Lim’ricks –
And whether satire, humour or just fun,
They don’t hurt nobody son,

So write those lim’ricks good or bad,
Write ‘em silly – write ‘em sad,
They are proven – not a fad,
Those lim’ricks – lim’ricks – lim’ricks.

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Penalized

Tags

limerick, Penis shaped dough mould, poem, poetry

A toy-maker made (without malice)
A mould in the shape of a phallus.
But soon they would know
It would cost lots of dough
To take back the porn they would sell us.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2891831/Dil-doh-toy-Enraged-parents-accuse-Play-doh-ruining-Christmas-penis-shaped-toy-released-cake-making-set

Tony the Barnacle

Tags

Abbott approval plummets, Abbott polling disaster, Australian Prime Minister, limerick, poem, poetry, Tony Abbott

Old Tony (The Barnacle) Abbott,
He clings to the hull out of habit.
If he had some bottle
He’d grab that damned throttle
And move it from tortoise to rabbit.

But barnacled bottoms impede,
By drag, both direction and speed.
A ship tends to slow
When it’s rough down below;
It’s smoothness that boat bottoms need.

So speed, it would further improve
Were they to old Tony remove.
Some times to up knots
You must jettison clots.
Most people I think would approve.

Point of Difference

Tags

Christianity, Formal poetry, jesus, poem, poetry

Sure, you can tell jokes about Jesus,
Until the world ends or Hell freezes.
You may draw rude cartoons;
Call his followers loons.
They may well get annoyed
And your company avoid.
But sleep soundly in bed –

They won’t cut off your head.

Fan Mail

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry

So all of my poems you’d ban?
And I would be thrown in the can?
You say I insult
Your murderous cult?
Merry Christmas, stay safe, in Iran.

What Elephant?

Tags

Islam - Religion of Peace, islamic Terrorism, limerick, New York police murder, poem, poetry

No! He’s not a Muslim you dill!
Were he, he would know not to kill.
The religion of peace
Doesn’t murder police.
He’s just somewhat mentally ill.

Slave Keeping 101

Tags

ISIS, Islamic State, Jihadists, poem, poetry, Yazidi captive women, Yazidi sex slaves

The Yazidis that you have enslaved,
They are infidels; they are depraved.
You may rape them and smack them
And kick them and whack them
Until they become well behaved.

Chalk and Cheese

Tags

Christianity, islam, limerick, multiculturalism, poem, poetry, Secularism

While both from each other recoil;
Like pus from the lance of a boil,
One spreads and infects;
Its host genuflects,
And strives to mix water and oil.

Fat Finding Mission

Tags

limerick, poem, poetry

They’re giving the kids movie passes
To watch all the fatties in farces.
To find out what factors
Kids find in fat actors;
The kids think that they are lard-arses.

http://freebeacon.com/issues/nih-spending-433577-to-find-out-what-kids-think-of-fat-characters-in-movies/

Snail Watching

Tags

Australian bush poetry, australian formal poetry, Gastropods, poem, poetry, whale watching

Why would you watch an ugly brute
When gastropods are oh so cute?
While other folk are watching whales
I go outdoors to see my snails

Go to and fro amongst the plants;
Glide gracefully by schools of ants.
On lettuce leaf and tufts of turf
They slip and slide – on slime they surf.

Shells held aloft like tiny sails,
They leave on leaves their shiny trails
So like the phosphorescent tracks
Of whales who don’t have shelly backs.

These whales, the briny oceans breach.
My snails, the tops of toadstools reach
And navigation they could teach
To mammals stranded on the beach

Where people weep and whine for whales.
(But would they blubber for dead snails?)
No, whales I won’t be watching for
Compared to snails they’re quite a boor.