Champagne Socialist – your stance ignores
All logic – do you open doors
To your house, to all comers
In winters and summers?
Is your home a country of laws?
Starbucks in their Eyes
Liberal Starbucks is gentle and kind,
And its bums, they are suave and refined.
None are dirty or mean
And its bathrooms are clean.
(If you think that, you’re out of your mind.)
Man, this life on the street really sucks!
But I know of a place where some schmucks,
They will house me for free;
Hey, That sounds good to me!
So I’m moving my stuff to Starbucks.
Starbucking the System
We’re opening stores in the slums.
We’re welcoming hoes, whores and bums;
For bias ain’t funny!
We’ll make lots of money.
(They’re not very clever at sums.)
Come see the defunct coffee house,
Where there now lives a rat and a mouse,
And a flock of fine fleas
On a dog with disease,
And a lonely bum and his pet louse.
Here’s his logic: the weapon – a knife,
Was wielded – so ended a life.
Its edge was quite keen.
(Judge, the killer was mean!)
Blunt each edge, round each tip, end this strife!
The Irish are crying with joy.
They’ll soon have the right to destroy
The helpless – what progress!
A new sin to confess!
The priest asks: “A girl or a boy?”
“Oh father! I have no idea.”
The girl in the box sheds a tear.
“If you’ve killed a son,
Or a daughter – it’s done,
And you must live with it, my dear.”
I Demand Reasonable Proof!
“My reasoning’s sound. I refuse
To have such beliefs. You sir, lose! –
My convictions are strong!”
“You’ve just proved yourself wrong –
The proof’s in the reason you use.”
The Great Spirit Contemplates
Fifteen billion years – really? Has it been that long? I’m getting a little tired of this particular universe and all of its petty galaxies, stars, planets and moons, not to mention asteroids, comets and dark matter – mustn’t forget the dark matter. This game is simply dragging on too long and I have all those other universes to supervise – all in various stages of expansion or contraction. I create these damned monstrous things – make just one planet out of all the billions capable of supporting life, I plant the seed, and then see how long it takes for intelligent life – human life as they call it, to evolve, and then the fun starts.
It’s simple really – just figure it out! That’s the point of the game. But these humans? Good god! They reach a point where I begin to have some hope, and then backwards they go! Their technology reaches a stage where they put a man on the moon – oh joy! Soon they will be seriously striking out for the stars! And I don’t mean just launching the odd piddling probe past Pluto, but really getting serious about exploring the universe – and beyond! Maybe soon they will be finally starting to figure it out! And then I may even give them a clue for being so damned smart. But then what happens? They stop – that’s what happens. They turn inward and embrace doubt. They become pessimistic and nihilistic – their cup is not half full, it is damned near empty. Or they go all Eastern Mysticism on me and contemplate their belly-buttons, or go full atheist and just get bloody-minded and angry.
It’s the same pattern over and over again – each universe I create finishes up in the same depressing state – that’s why I send them into reverse – into contraction. Liked the big bang? Then see how you like the BIG CRUNCH you stupid humans! Oh god – mustn’t be like that – must stay in control. After all I am the one in total control, aren’t I?
Well of course I am! So how much longer do I give this poor pathetic universe? This universe where live the Earth humans who have lost their way. Is it beyond saving? Will they snap out of their phone, tablet, computer, self-inflicted, godless lethargy? What! Godless? Self promotion you say? Moi? No, no, no – I don’t mean that they have to worship me as God! But for Christ’s sake at least acknowledge my presence! At least give me some credit – a bit of gratitude? Is that too much to ask? “Show yourself!” they say. Show myself! What do they wish to see? I don’t hide! Open your eyes and look around! I show myself everyday! (And every night for that matter.) Where do they think all these brazillions of tons of matter came from? Where do they think these precise mathematical rules came from? Where do they think the miracle that is life came from? – thin air? Oh sure, from the singularity and the Big Bang – well where did the singularity come from, and who triggered the Big Bang? I’ll give them singularity! I’ll give them a Big Bang!
No, no, I’ll give them a little more time – I’ll calm down. Got to get my ichor-pressure down. Maybe they’ll snap out of it. Maybe they will resume their positive path to the stars and enlightenment, instead of just making god-awful movies about it. Maybe finally after all my tries humans will win the game – maybe even these Earth humans; But realistically (and I’m obviously a realist) it doesn’t look good. If finally I do have to reach for that “Reverse” button then – well, all I can say is……..Heaven help them.