𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐮𝐫 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐧
The Donald appeals to just half —
The ones who at satire can laugh.
But 50% still aren’t buyers —
Preferring professional liars.
— D.N. O’Brien
Australian poet, Bias against Trump, Donald Trump, Make America Great Again, Mass media bias, poem, poetry, Trump Derangement Syndrome, Trump success syndrome, U.S. economy booming, U.S. stock market new records
Trump Success Syndrome
Disaster! – for everything’s going so well!
And things could get better! Who knows! Who can tell!
Oh what would we give for a financial smash!
And for the stock market to stumble then crash!
For Korean peace talks to end in a mess;
There’s too much improvement – far too much success!
Trump’s kicked our Iranian friends in the nuts;
Told them to get lost! – how we hate Donald’s guts!
Sure, he gets along with that Netanyahu –
What would you expect? (we suspect Trump’s a Jew)
He’s moving our embassy, there in Israel,
To Jerusalem – and we’re hoping he’ll fail
At everything. At his proposed wall we wail –
For poor Mexicans we will go in to bat;
Their children will no doubt all vote Democrat.
Yes Trump’s a catastrophe – he never quits;
He’s driving us Democrats out of our wits.
If he keeps succeeding please pity our fate;
Here’s hoping the U.S. will never be great!
Devilish News for Donald
The Donald, he visited Hell,
And choked on the sulphuric smell.
Old Nick, a vial gripping,
On acid was tripping –
The fiend said: “A secret I’ll tell:
It gives me much joy to confess
That I now control the U.S.,
And hour upon hour
Increases my power;
It’s Hell Trump, for I own the press!”
Breaking News! – One of our reliable sources has reported that Donald Trump recently had a secret meeting with the Devil, aka Old Nick, Beelzebub, Satan etc.. The meeting was held at the Devil’s headquarters, commonly known as Hell. It appears that Hell is located directly under the White House and not under the Kremlin as previously thought.
We’re not disclosing anything, but some speculate that our source, who for obvious reasons will remain unnamed, is embedded with the White House staff, and is carrying out a clandestine surveillance of Trump’s every evil move. Whilst observing Trump, who was at the time dressed in bright red pyjamas with “MAGA” emblazoned on the back, at or around midnight on a date that we won’t disclose, the source saw (but could not record unfortunately, due to a mysterious malfunction of his video camera) Trump enter a secret passageway deep in the bowels of the White House. (According to the source this secret passageway was personally excavated by Richard Nixon in his spare time back in the early ‘70s.)
Luckily Trump failed to lock the passageway door behind him, and the source entered and followed at a safe distance. The winding and steeply descending passageway soon became a narrow, dank, and slippery tunnel, dimly lit with a reddish glow. Gradually the air in the tunnel became warmer; the glow became redder and the source began finding it more and more difficult to breath; the smell of brimstone permeated the fetid miasma and the source had to try very hard not to choke and cough and so alert Trump, who was now some 20 yards in front of him and striding along at a rapid pace. The worse the air got the more sprightly Donald seemed to become.
Gradually the tunnel widened until at last it began to open out and the source saw Trump, still some yards ahead of him, enter into a blazing cave brightly lit by flames which seemed to emanate from the floor, the walls, and the roof. The flames engulfed Trump but he did not catch fire. The “MAGA” emblazoned on his pyjama-top began to pulse with some sort of demonic energy and Trump let out a maniacal laugh – “Hi honey – I’m home!” he ejaculated.
From out of the flames came a short figure all dressed in red. He had two horns protruding from his head and a long forked tail; he was carrying a pitchfork. “Cut the Hollywood inspired humour Trump! Call me honey one more time and I’ll have you replaced by Mike Pence before you can say: ’That’s sad!’” spat the Devil.(Well he was obviously the Devil.)
“Sorry Satan,” said Trump “It’s just my twisted sense of humour, which by the way, half of America, and most of the rest of the world doesn’t understand either. But that aside Nick – what are your latest instructions?”
“Come closer and I’ll tell you,” said the Devil. Trump did as he was instructed, and the Devil began whispering in his ear. The source, still cowering in the tunnel, close to the caves entrance, strained to hear the devil’s whispers, but due to the distance and the constant screaming in the background, he could only pick up the odd clear word and some syllables here and there:
“B???? that f???ing wall! – L??k up the ???ican babies in cages – nuke ????? Korea – Climate change is ????shit – shoot ???lary – Trudeau is a ????wit”. The source got the gist of the conversation.
Soon the meeting was over. Trump shook hands with the Devil. (Another thing he is frequently accused of.) This was followed by high-fives (well, mid-fives) and a brief rap performance by Satan, at the conclusion of which Donald applauded enthusiastically and encouraged the Devil to keep practicing.
The source had seen enough; he turned and retreated as fast as he could back up the tunnel, into the passageway, through the doorway and back to his quarters. He smelt strongly of brimstone and corruption (but mainly corruption.) He showered, put on his blue pyjamas and crawled into bed. It took what seemed like ages for him to get to sleep, and even then he only slept fitfully. He awoke as if from a nightmare, but he knew it had all been very real!
We’ve set down here in print what this totally reliable and honest source saw on the night in question. We suspected that Donald Trump was in league with the Devil and now we have the undeniable proof. Our sources are brave, resourceful, dedicated and above all else – imaginative.
This incredible, fantastic, almost unbelievable story shows that these courageous men and women, our reliable sources, will literally go to Hell and back, so that we may bring you – THE TRUTH.
© Fabricated Articles Keeping you Entertained News
I like Trump for the way he blurts things out –
Things that he’s thinking. What he’s thought about
For quite some time and really thinks is true;
I like the way he uses satire too.
I like his clear distain for beta males.
I like his tweets – his wins, and too his fails.
I like him for his forthrightness and wit.
I like the way he takes from fools no shit.
I like his clear love for the U.S.A.,
And all the things that he’s not scared to say.
But mainly what I like about the guy
Is how he doesn’t quite know how to lie.
[After reading How He Is at Flammeus Gladius]
Oh Oprah, you are special – you’re devine!
I love your ageless features and your hair.
Were you, Oprah, not taken, you’d be mine.
Your face is like an angel’s and you’re fair
To all – for all downtrodden folk you care,
And for the brown and black you tirelessly
Do fight – such heavy loads you’re proud to bear.
Our sins you will forgive; you’ll set us free –
Free from damn Trump! – oh hear our urgent plea!
Oprah – dark maid descended from above,
Please be our President of unity,
And drench the world with empathy and love!
Your fame and reputation have spread far!
(And if you have one spare – I’d like a car.)
He’s trying to clean up the mess.
He’s got to keep trying I guess.
At least he can dream;
He’ll send it downstream,
Where it will get jammed by Congress.
There was a Russian – he was red of hair,
And all the little children he did scare.
He said he’d slash all regulation
And that he’d divide the nation
From the neighbours – build a border wall.
The Russian said he’d make the nation great.
The children said that sounded much like hate.
He said he’d get the country moving,
Create jobs and start improving
All the people’s lives from short to tall.
The children feared the Russian and his schemes.
They saw as nightmares all his lofty dreams.
They didn’t like the way he tweeted,
Said that he must be defeated –
“Fire the big red Russian!” was the call.
The Russian said he didn’t understand.
He thought himself the saviour of the land.
Still the children, they would hound him,
Till investigation found him
Not to be a Russian after all.
Poison gas? Ready tomahawks! – fire!
Rebels did it??? – Assad’s such a liar!
Arab son of a bitch!
To the rebels we’ll switch –
The good Arabs – the ones we admire.