𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫
Man-made climate change is weird
For it one cannot measure;
But for so long as it is feared
Amassed will be much treasure.
— D.N. O’Brien
The world is flat, that’s clear to all,
Though some whose reasoning’s unsound
Persistently insist it’s round,
Just like a rather large golf ball.
These skeptics, proven science deny.
They say flat-earthers wish to scare
And of such scammers to beware –
That so called experts tell a lie.
But all good scientists say it’s true,
And we must harken to their cant,
And those who say that proof is scant,
Well they are just a rebel few.
The models say the world is flat
So at these round-earthers we scoff
For were it round we’d all fall off
And that should be the end of that!
And while it’s clear to you and me
That flat-earth theory always rules,
Perhaps these poor misguided fools
May all have eyes but cannot see
That it is proven – let’s agree:
The Earth is flat as is the ground;
Upon a turtle’s back it’s found
And not upon a giant golf tee.
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Two scientists met one sunny day;
Said one: “My friend, what do you say
To this great offer that I’ll make:
Some say of course our cause is fake;
That we’re corrupt and on the take,
And sure, we take our slice of cake,
But anybody with a brain
Knows this is not some gravy train;
So come with us and join the fray,
And battle Climate Change each day.
You wish to tilt at CO2?
This is the perfect job for you,
Involving travel – here’s a clue:
You’ll fly first class or sail the blue
To Rio, London, Paris France,
And Rome, the city of romance,
Hawaii’s beaches, old New York;
And all you’ll have to do is talk!
You’ll stay in posh hotels – 5 star!
Expenses paid, a chauffeured car.
The food? – a banquet everyday!
And what about your rise in pay!
You’ll be astonished brother – wow!
It’s much more than you’re making now.
Such offers don’t come every day,
So tell me pal – what do you say?”
So said the second: “As you know,
I study weather – winds that blow,
The glaciers – their ebb and flow,
The polar ice, the winter snow.
On climate I’ve an open mind.
I’d theories of a different kind
To what you hold, but what you say
Makes sense, I feel, in every way.
Of course the travel would be tough.
I’d find the workload rather rough.
The rise in pay? – could not care less.
(Though my accounts are in a mess)
5 star hotels, cocktails and wine?
MacDonald’s now is where I dine.
Not that that influences me;
It’s with your logic I agree.
The points you make are crystal clear –
That global warming all must fear.
Though I once thought the theory strange,
I’m now convinced on Climate Change.
Your offer then, I won’t decline;
The bill of sale – where do I sign?”