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~ All Poetry ยฉ Dennis N. O'Brien, 2010 – 2019

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Category Archives: Humour

Viral Conversation

09 Tuesday Jun 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Tags

Australian poet, Civet cat, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry, Wuhan Virus

๐•๐ข๐ซ๐š๐ฅ ๐‚๐จ๐ง๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง

Two viruses having a chat:
โ€œI come from Wuhan, via a bat.โ€
Said the other microbe
Whilst adjusting his robe:
โ€œThis is genuine fur โ€” civet cat.โ€

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

The Frightened Ones

11 Monday May 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Satire, Sonnet

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Australian poet, Culture of fear, Fear, Formal poetry, poem, poetry, sonnet, Spenserian sonnet

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐…๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ž๐ง๐ž๐ ๐Ž๐ง๐ž๐ฌ

It is the era of the frightened ones โ€”
The trembling terrified who freeze in fright.
Theyโ€™re terrified of viruses and guns,
And anything that goes bump in the night.
Of snakes and spiders and potato blight.
Of mice and elephants and also bears;
And darkness, one must not turn off the light
When theyโ€™re asleep โ€” theyโ€™ll be killed in nightmares!
Theyโ€™re scared of ants and certain plants and hares,
And every type of mole; and humming birds.
Theyโ€™re scared of circles, rectangles and squares,
And poets who write poems with big words.
Theyโ€™re scared of clocks and smelly socks and elves.
But what theyโ€™re really scared of is……. themselves.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

The Purposeless Rat

01 Saturday Feb 2020

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Observation

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Tags

Australian poet, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry, Rats

The Purposeless Rat

All of us need a purpose it seems.
Even rats must have their rodent dreams.
When their goals all go west
Even rats get depressed โ€”
Itโ€™s the quest for success that redeems.

D.N. O’Brien

Depressed rats

Animal Tales

29 Sunday Dec 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Observation

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Animal Liberation, Australian poet, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

๐—”๐—ป๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ง๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€

Homo sapiens, they are the ones.
They are wise, all the daughters and sons;
And they think and they plan,
And so dominates โ€” man.
(And thatโ€™s why chimpanzees donโ€™t have guns).

Getting a bit tired of these crazy animal stories โ€” you know what I mean:

โ€œLion rescues baby antelope from crocodile infested river! โ€œ
โ€œKiller whale takes injured seal to hospital!โ€
โ€œEagle catches falling baby in mid air and delivers it to motherโ€™s arms!โ€
โ€œUnconscious man saved from speeding train as millions of ants drag him from railway tracks!โ€

No need to over-inflate animal IQs or credit them with human characteristics. Keep it up and pretty soon we wonโ€™t be allowed to eat them โ€” I guess thatโ€™s the idea.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

The Gurley Police

14 Monday Oct 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Bush Poetry, Humour

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Australian bush poetry, Australian poet, Formal poetry, Gurley NSW, limerick, Limerick poem, Limerick poetry, poem, poetry

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐†๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฒ ๐๐จ๐ฅ๐ข๐œ๐ž

The Gurley police are not small.
The Gurley police are quite tall.
Theyโ€™re big brave and strong,
So donโ€™t get me wrong โ€”
Theyโ€™re not really girly at all.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

{Photo D.N. O’Brien}

Formalists

05 Thursday Sep 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Tags

Australian poet, Australian traditional poetry, Formal poetry, Formalists, free verse, poem, poetry

๐…๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฌ

Free versifiers, as we know, these folk are everywhere,
But those who compose formally are really rather rare.
As rare as that elusive stuff, a rocking horseโ€™s dung,
And rarely are they read, and rarely are their praises sung.
Henโ€™s teeth, they are quite plentiful, compared to these composers,
And most of them live in the past, and most are old as Moses.
And though their numbers dwindle fast, and though their foes are many,
Theyโ€™ll keep on writing to the last โ€” and never earn a penny.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Strange Guides

27 Tuesday Aug 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

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Tags

Australian poet, Guide animals, Guide dogs, Mongoose, poem, poetry, Red-bellied black snake

๐’๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ž ๐†๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ž๐ฌ

I once knew a blind man, his name it was Jake.
His guide was no dog, but in fact was a snake.
A red-bellied black โ€” his reptilian guide
Was six feet in length and was two inches wide.
Jake had it in harness and followed its trail,
And sometimes heโ€™d give it a yank on the tail.
The snake never bit him, though fangs it would bare,
And hiss something like: โ€Iโ€™m your master.โ€ I swear!
Heโ€™d had a guide dog but the poor pooch had died
The day after Jake bought the snake โ€” poor Jake cried.
The vet, he had said: โ€œI suspect those two holes
In your guide dogโ€™s neck, they were not made by moles.โ€
The snake played his cards right โ€” he tended to cheat,
(Not easy when one has no hands, legs, or feet)
But managed to tempt Jake to give him a go
At guiding his footsteps โ€” they started off slow
But soon got it right, and Iโ€™d see them most days,
As Jake trailed behind the snakeโ€™s serpentine ways.
The end to this tale, well Iโ€™m sorry, itโ€™s sad,
(Although I suspect that that snake, he was bad)
The story was told by blind Jake at the wake:
One morning the pair of them, Jake and the snake,
Were walking (and slithering) slow through the fog.
Another blind man with a guide (not a dog)
Passed by them, and somehow the manโ€™s guide broke loose โ€”
No snake is a match for a hungry mongoose.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Logical Extinctions

26 Monday Aug 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Australian poet, Dinosaur, Dodo, Mauritius, Neanderthal, Passenger pigeon, poem, poetry, Rhyming couplets, thylacine

๐‹๐จ๐ ๐ข๐œ๐š๐ฅ ๐„๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ

The Thylacine would snatch a pullet โ€”
Soon the last one took a bullet.

On an island named Mauritius,
Lived the Dodo โ€” so delicious.

The passengers that blackened skies
Were baked in lots of pigeon pies.

The Kingpin was the Dinosaur;
Until there came a meteor.

Neanderthals died out we know.
Their IQs were a bit too low.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

The Bird Band

13 Tuesday Aug 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Bush Poetry, Humour, Nature

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Tags

Australian birds, Australian bush poetry, Australian bush poets, australian formal poetry, Australian poet, Australian traditional poetry, bird band, Formal poetry, poem, poetry

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐๐š๐ง๐

One evening walking through the scrub,
(A shortcut home from Rileyโ€™s pub.)
Under the glow of a full moon,
I heard a brisk and lively tune.

I looked around, and there I saw
Upon that moonlit forest floor,
A pumpinโ€™ out a chorus grand,
A finely feathered all bird band.

And all around on stumps and logs
Sat kangaroos and native dogs,
And emus swaying to the beat
Jumped up and down and stamped their feet.

Echidnas danced Irish quadrilles
While skillfully avoiding quills.
Goannas flicked in time their tongues,
While in the band with bursting lungs

Black glossy red-tailed cockatoos
In harmony sang out the blues.
On ukuleles magpies strummed.
A flock of honey-eaters hummed.

With twelve apostles on the drums,
The beat it echoed from the gums,
While lyre birds serenely played.
(Theyโ€™re known for being rather staid).

A bell bird rang his built in chime.
A whip bird cracked his whip in time.
A kookaburra, with a smile,
On his guitar played finger-style.

I stayed a while, then home to bed
With music coursing through my head.
I woke and wondered had I dreamed.
Outside my window, moonlight beamed,

And all was quiet and nothing stirred.
I listened hard but nothing heard.
No, not a noise of fur or fowl,
Except โ€” the hooting of an owl.

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

Angling Adder

30 Tuesday Jul 2019

Posted by Dennis N. O'Brien in Humour, Nature

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Australian poet, Fishing snake, poem, poetry

๐€๐ง๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐€๐๐๐ž๐ซ

I said to the snake: โ€Put it down!โ€
The snake hissed: โ€œWould you see it drown?โ€
Replied I: โ€œReptilian beast โ€”
Youโ€™re saving it โ€” but for your feast.โ€

โ€” D.N. Oโ€™Brien

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