In the (gay) Navy!
Come and join our rainbow navy!
Sail the foreign seas so wavy!
Just ignore those rumours stinky,
And paint pink your little pinky.
We won’t dress you like a monkey;
We’ll have uniforms so funky.
Our ships will be painted gaily.
Petals sprinkled on decks daily
Will make all the ships smell sweetly.
There’ll be cabins where discretely
You may couple with your lover
(Or hide neath a lifeboat-cover).
We will usher in new tactics;
Issue all with prophylactics.
Whether you are long or stumpy
You’ll get lots of rumpy-pumpy.
And if you’re a sexy tranny
With an artificial fanny
Then for sure you’re bound to find a
Dirty dyke to be your minder.
You’ll eat vegan in the galley.
Gone are all those hairy, smelly
Straight guys, now we’re just recruiting
Gay guys and gals, we’re all rooting
For the same team – you’ll sail on ships
With nice names like Pansy, Cowslips,
Daffodil or Rose or Daisy.
We won’t have those mean or crazy
Names like Terror, Hood, or Vampire.
We will silence all the damn fire
From the cannons – decorate them
All with flowers – guns? – we hate them –
Symbols masculine and phallic.
Each and everyone a relic
Of the bygone age that’s perished;
Now it’s feminine that’s cherished.
Yes! The navy, we’ll transform it!
We, the gay sailors will storm it!
No more rope and anchor tattoos.
No more beer and hearty beef stews.
Kale, tofu and lentil pie
Served up by some gentle guy
Who says if you call him “Tina”
He’ll give you a vege wiener
Coated thick with vegan gravy –
Come on! Join the all-gay navy!