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Stock market rule one
You buy a parcel of shares
Stock price decreases

Stock market rule two
You sell a parcel of shares
Stock price increases

Stock market rule three
You buy a “safe” company
News! – profit downgrade

Stock market rule four
You buy some insurance shares
News! Storm disaster!

Stock market rule five
You buy supermarket shares
News! Major price war!

Stock market rule six
Your bank makes a good profit
News! Greedy bankers!

Stock market rule eight
One too many syllables
So no rule seven

Stock market rule nine
Your bank makes enormous loss
News! Man bites a dog!

Stock market rule ten
All stock market analysts –
Crystal ball gazers