Workplace Health & Safety have gone mad in Australia.
This poem is based on a true story where a manager of a government
facility decided to replace a blown security light light-bulb himself, until
he realized that a height restriction of 2.5 meters for ladders would put him in breach
of safety regulations should he proceed.
Put my safety vest on first; now reflective pants.
Rehydrate (that’s quench my thirst); up my ladder slants.
Hang on – looks a bit too high; measure it with tape.
Two point six towards the sky; was a narrow scrape.
Can’t climb up the ladder or – I’d be sacked real swift.
It’s two point six from the floor, need a scissor lift.
Hard hat on and steel capped boots; safety glasses on.
Must conform with all statutes, or I’ll soon be gone.
Scissor lift, the hire mob bring; need a bloke who can,
operate the bloody thing; need a change of plan.
Get someone who’s qualified – on the scissor lift.
Had ten applicants applied; through their papers sift.
Two weeks later hired a man; now to get to work.
Up the scissor lift it goes; vertigo I fight.
In my hand a light bulb held; at a dizzy height,
All of two point six meters – I screwed in the light.