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There once was a Russian Crimea,
But now all the western powers fear,
That should it go back,
Then the reds may attack,
But just why, it is not very clear.

The Crimea perhaps should be free,
To determine its own destiny,
It’s a courageous call
But this Tartar football,
A republic, may better off be.

The Ukraine is a busted arse state,
Where the West really wants to create,
Something rather like us
And this Crimean fuss
Is a crisis the bankers just hate.

Watch out for that big Russian bear,
He is short and has thinning blonde hair.
He’s a bit of a lad,
But the ruskies love Vlad –
The Crimea, he’s wishing to snare.

In Sevastopol on the Black Sea,
Are some ships of the Russian navy,
They are battered and bent
And this harbour they rent,
And the Ukraine is charging the fee.

Now the POTUS is telling Vlad Putin,
Please stop any killin’ or lootin’,
This up-jumped black Caesar
Vlad thinks an appeaser,
And he’d rather deal with Rasputin.